Journal 12: Me in Conflict

There are some problems in my friend group that are difficult to deal with, since one friend basically left the group last year. It is an interpersonal conflict, but it is kind of difficult to classify because it is one person’s interactions with all other people of one group. I have ended up being the middle man between the friend that left and all the other friends. I would say the cause of this conflict is miscommunication and it is in the unit level of relationship. The miscommunication happens mostly because the majority of the group members do not engage in active listening and they often come into discussions with preconceived notions. There is a dimension of self-fulfilling prophecy, because each friend expects the other to act in a certain way, and when they see those actions happening their beliefs are reinforced. It is really still in that stage of conflict, without anyone working towards a resolution. The friend who left the group has mostly withdrawn from the conflict and refuses to acknowledge any problems, or only acknowledges them in a passive aggressive manner. All sides are using the attribution error as well, since they see their own actions as understandable and rational, while they attribute other people’s actions to their personalities. Personally, I believe that I handle conflicts very well, but in this particular conflict I am not a main player, I am more of a mediator. I actually frequently take the role of mediator in conflict, working to make sure each side understands the other and trying to make sure that I understand everyone’s feelings. When I am involved as a mediator I often put my own feelings aside even if I am very invested in a conflict. As soon as I talk to the person that I am upset with I loose some of my frustration, because then I am better able to understand their point of view. I think that I am very good at active listening, and overall good at handling interpersonal conflicts.

Journal 13: Group Project Reflection

Our group worked very well together. I really enjoyed working with the rest of the group members and I think we learned a lot as we worked on the paper. All of my expectations were definitely met. We respected each other and we each put in equal amounts of work, we were all very serious about getting the paper done to the very best of our ability. I learned that all of us are very certain in our views, but willing to change if we think it is in the interest of the group, or if we are persuaded that the other view is correct. I learned that I tend to take control in group situations, especially in projects, even though I knew all the other member of my group were very responsible and would be equally effective at getting the paper done. One pro of group learning is that you get many different perspectives on a certain subject. A con of group learning is that it can be difficult to split up a subject in such a way that it is easy for everyone to have a part but also end up with a cohesive whole. Everyone has such different styles that it is sometimes difficult to bring them back together.

Journal 13 Group Project

Initially I was worried about the groups ability to organize itself into a productive meeting where all the members could sit at a table and work, but when crunch time came around, we worked well together. All expectations were met. I learned that if I’m not typing or editing a paper with someone and I simply have to sit at the table where work is happening I will try to joke about and actually detract from the group. I work best when I have a designated task. I’m not the type of person who can watch T.V. then write a paragraph at a commercial, then watch more T.V. I have to sit in a quiet place with only study materials in front of me with the intention of only working. I learned the others in the group are similar to me where any distractions will be a big distraction. I like group learning because there are so many perspectives that I wouldn’t normally look at on my own. Also working in a group I have to verbalize my opinion which makes it much easier to find faults in my logic as well as new ideas. Something about thinking out loud helps my thought process and gets idea straight in my head. Working in a group can be difficult if the paper has one common goal, but people have strong opposing opinions. Working in a group can also cause ideas to spiral and get out of hand much easier because the internal consciousness of the mind isn’t present when the group is talking out loud unless someone verbalizes it.

Journal 12 Conflict Insight

First I would say that avoiding the professor I had issues with was not the best decision. I should have brought my problems to the professor and made it known why I feel the way I did/do. I know if I had done this the professor would have countered to help me understand where she was coming from. If I had done this early on in the semester I think there would have been much less tension between myself and the professor even if it was made up in my mind because then I would feel like her actions towards me were justified and bias was not a part of it. I have so much more knowledge about how I should have approached the problem. Instead of going into the office asking why this happened this way and why I was graded the way I was, I would have came in saying I’m trying to understand what you want, but I just can’t get my head around it. This is the way I think when I approach these problems in the course and how can I correct my thinking or what would make it easier. Instead I avoided the professor, until late on in the semester.

Journal 11 Negotiation Styles

I would say I try to use logic as much as possible in my negotiation. If I feel something is a fair bargain then I will make it known why I think so and why more or less isn’t feasible. When I bargain usually I have trouble knowing where to start an opening price for example. I’ll ask for a price of what I think is fair, but forget that I will be countered with another. I sold my old bike and the buyer asked how much he expected my to get for it, and I said I thought it was worth around $150, but understanding that he needed to make a profit, so I was happy if I would get ½ of that for it. He then countered and said I’ll give you $70. After he said his price, I used one tactic I usually do which is simply be silent for a bit. Make the other person think “did I offer enough? Why is he not saying anything?” and sometimes I get a second better offer, but in this case I didn’t. He then said the most he would give me was $70 because I think he realized why I was waiting, so I took the offer. I learned to negotiate from my parents. My dad is rather passive. At a flea market he might as a vendor how much for an item, hardly showing any interest, and if the vendor offers a price that is too high he’ll kinda just continue wandering off. As he wanders off I’ve heard vendors say “special price for you… etc.” Then he’d simply say I don’t wanna pay that much, and sometimes it is successful and other times not. My mom makes it known what she wants to spend for an item when she comes up for a purchase, but if the asking price is too high she’ll simply ask for a deal and then say yes or no. I think I’m decent at negotiation, but could be much better if I gave more reasoning behind my decisions. If I also hid my intentions I think I would also have more success. Also trying to downplay the value of a item may help.

Journal 10 Conflict style

I’ve learned that my conflict style is usually too avoiding and passive. For example, a while back I had trouble with the room being noisy regularly when I was trying to go to sleep, so I purchased some earplugs, and when the noise maker saw me using earplugs, the noise level during these nighttime hours was significantly reduced. This was also a problem that I had been avoiding for a while. It seems that I’ll convince myself that if I can ignore a problem, it will stop existing. This in fact is not a good idea I’ve found because conflict can blow up in my face if I don’t confront it before the other side gets too caught up in what my issue with them is. I’ve learned that if I simply confront the issue as graciously as possible then it will work itself out because my intentions are good. I’ve found that the sooner I confront an issue the better because the issue is still forming and we can work out our needs.

Journal 9 Conflict Dynamic Influences

I think looking at individuals needs are usually in the interest of the party and are needs that personal. Needs such as personal space, quiet space, need for belonging, or a simple need for some type of food. An imbalance in power can promote conflict. Also, perceptions on power can influence conflict. An imbalance in power can promote conflict in many ways. A classic example is in the Cuban missile crisis where the Soviet Union decides to put missiles in Cuba to put the same pressure the U.S. has on the Soviets by having missiles in Turkey. The idea is to create a balance of power. Also if perceptions on power are different, there can be conflict. For example if a soccer team drastically underestimates their opponents power, the team may come in expecting to win, and lose because they didn’t put in the effort they thought was needed to win the game. I think humans commit horrible acts against each other because they feel so much is at stake. National security is the best example where a nations security is under attack a government would feel any means necessary are okay to employ if it is for the good of a country and security. If a country thinks destroying an opposing country is the only way to self-preservation, then that is what will happen. Or, if peace can be attained if only we bomb the conflict area, then the area may be bombed. Obviously peace can be tried to be found other ways. Needs must be communicated and trust needs to be built.

Journal 8 End conflicts

My conflicts seems to end with tension. I feel like winning becomes too important and eventually some sort of compromise is made which leads to more fighting because needs weren’t properly met. I think I want conflicts to end even if the outcome isn’t for the best. Often I get caught up in zero sum thinking where if I’m not winning, I’m losing. Therefore if I feel I’ve lost an argument, I tend to believe whatever the resolution is, it isn’t in my best interest. In the world around me I see many conflicts and I’d say the majority end with one person conceding their point and become subjected to the parameters of the winner in the argument. I also see conflicts end and sometimes never even resolve. People end up avoiding each other until the conflict is dropped, which in this case sometimes continues and the two parties never make up and continue to avoid each other. Compromises also occur in conflicts I’ve seen where logic is the deciding factor. If a person can see the end in the way the other does through logic, then the conflict can end.

Journal 7 Escalation

In my personal conflicts escalation usually occurs because I have some sort of blame towards a person and don’t communicate my needs clearly. Looking back I know that in conflict I will confront a person with all the things of how they are contributing to a problem instead of looking for the roots of the issue. By confronting a person with what I believe they have done wrong, I further escalate the conflict because I bring blame and soon to follow anger in the conflict. No one likes to be blamed for an issue and have their faults pointed out, so by my doing this I am escalating conflicts. Instead I need to approach the conflict by communicating to the other what the underlying needs are of each party. By doing this we can reevaluate perspective and why the other and self are acting in certain ways. Sometimes it can be fun, but usually it is in the sports arena. If a volleyball game is particularly close and the energy of the match is manifested through noise level and excitement, then I have fun turning in conflict into a game between our team and the other team. If I can undermine another teams momentum by winning a few crucial points, or getting under their skin where they get angry back, it is useful in a competitive arena.

Journal 11: My Negotiation Style

I am pretty horrible at negotiating, and I think its because I am too aware of the needs of the other party and too willing to give in. I know that I am bad in instances of bargaining because I never start bargaining low enough. To be more effective at negotiation I need to learn how to use the things I know about the other party to my own advantage, to manipulate their desires in order to achieve my own. I tend to have a cooperative and principled approach to negotiation, and I think that I do address the interests of the parties rather than the positions of the parties. I am pretty flexible in what I ask for as long as I get something out of the negotiation. I think that I am good at creating value, but I’m bad at claiming value and persuading the other side to let me claim value. I tend to place more value on the relationship rather than the substantive issues of the negotiation. I probably learned to negotiate from my parents, especially my mother, who is also rather ineffective at negotiation.

Journal 10: My Conflict Style

I have learned that I have an accommodating conflict style. I have a higher concern for others than for myself in conflict, and so I am likely to give up my own goals and needs or concede something I want in order to please others. I tend to make analytic or conciliatory remarks when communicating with the other parties in the conflict and I engage in active listening, often reframing the thoughts or expressions of the other parties. I am also likely to use collaboration as a conflict style, especially if the topic is of more importance to me. I will accommodate with the other party if the issue is not as important, and I feel that I can give in: this is because I am placing more emphasis on what the other party wants. However, if the conflict is over something very important to me, then I will work harder to achieve what I want, while still holding the needs of the other in mind. I will try to work together with the other party to reach an integrative solution, and put all of our interests out on the table so that the best possible solution can be reached to satisfy both of our wants and needs. If I use contentious tactics they are usually of the softer variety, such as persuasive arguments or ingratiation rather than threats. I generally avoid getting into the cycle of tit-for-tat tactics but I still tend to be rather direct.