Journal 12: Me in Conflict

There are some problems in my friend group that are difficult to deal with, since one friend basically left the group last year. It is an interpersonal conflict, but it is kind of difficult to classify because it is one person’s interactions with all other people of one group. I have ended up being the middle man between the friend that left and all the other friends. I would say the cause of this conflict is miscommunication and it is in the unit level of relationship. The miscommunication happens mostly because the majority of the group members do not engage in active listening and they often come into discussions with preconceived notions. There is a dimension of self-fulfilling prophecy, because each friend expects the other to act in a certain way, and when they see those actions happening their beliefs are reinforced. It is really still in that stage of conflict, without anyone working towards a resolution. The friend who left the group has mostly withdrawn from the conflict and refuses to acknowledge any problems, or only acknowledges them in a passive aggressive manner. All sides are using the attribution error as well, since they see their own actions as understandable and rational, while they attribute other people’s actions to their personalities. Personally, I believe that I handle conflicts very well, but in this particular conflict I am not a main player, I am more of a mediator. I actually frequently take the role of mediator in conflict, working to make sure each side understands the other and trying to make sure that I understand everyone’s feelings. When I am involved as a mediator I often put my own feelings aside even if I am very invested in a conflict. As soon as I talk to the person that I am upset with I loose some of my frustration, because then I am better able to understand their point of view. I think that I am very good at active listening, and overall good at handling interpersonal conflicts.

Journal 13: Group Project Reflection

Our group worked very well together. I really enjoyed working with the rest of the group members and I think we learned a lot as we worked on the paper. All of my expectations were definitely met. We respected each other and we each put in equal amounts of work, we were all very serious about getting the paper done to the very best of our ability. I learned that all of us are very certain in our views, but willing to change if we think it is in the interest of the group, or if we are persuaded that the other view is correct. I learned that I tend to take control in group situations, especially in projects, even though I knew all the other member of my group were very responsible and would be equally effective at getting the paper done. One pro of group learning is that you get many different perspectives on a certain subject. A con of group learning is that it can be difficult to split up a subject in such a way that it is easy for everyone to have a part but also end up with a cohesive whole. Everyone has such different styles that it is sometimes difficult to bring them back together.

Journal 13 Group Project

Initially I was worried about the groups ability to organize itself into a productive meeting where all the members could sit at a table and work, but when crunch time came around, we worked well together. All expectations were met. I learned that if I’m not typing or editing a paper with someone and I simply have to sit at the table where work is happening I will try to joke about and actually detract from the group. I work best when I have a designated task. I’m not the type of person who can watch T.V. then write a paragraph at a commercial, then watch more T.V. I have to sit in a quiet place with only study materials in front of me with the intention of only working. I learned the others in the group are similar to me where any distractions will be a big distraction. I like group learning because there are so many perspectives that I wouldn’t normally look at on my own. Also working in a group I have to verbalize my opinion which makes it much easier to find faults in my logic as well as new ideas. Something about thinking out loud helps my thought process and gets idea straight in my head. Working in a group can be difficult if the paper has one common goal, but people have strong opposing opinions. Working in a group can also cause ideas to spiral and get out of hand much easier because the internal consciousness of the mind isn’t present when the group is talking out loud unless someone verbalizes it.

Journal 12 Conflict Insight

First I would say that avoiding the professor I had issues with was not the best decision. I should have brought my problems to the professor and made it known why I feel the way I did/do. I know if I had done this the professor would have countered to help me understand where she was coming from. If I had done this early on in the semester I think there would have been much less tension between myself and the professor even if it was made up in my mind because then I would feel like her actions towards me were justified and bias was not a part of it. I have so much more knowledge about how I should have approached the problem. Instead of going into the office asking why this happened this way and why I was graded the way I was, I would have came in saying I’m trying to understand what you want, but I just can’t get my head around it. This is the way I think when I approach these problems in the course and how can I correct my thinking or what would make it easier. Instead I avoided the professor, until late on in the semester.

Journal 11 Negotiation Styles

I would say I try to use logic as much as possible in my negotiation. If I feel something is a fair bargain then I will make it known why I think so and why more or less isn’t feasible. When I bargain usually I have trouble knowing where to start an opening price for example. I’ll ask for a price of what I think is fair, but forget that I will be countered with another. I sold my old bike and the buyer asked how much he expected my to get for it, and I said I thought it was worth around $150, but understanding that he needed to make a profit, so I was happy if I would get ½ of that for it. He then countered and said I’ll give you $70. After he said his price, I used one tactic I usually do which is simply be silent for a bit. Make the other person think “did I offer enough? Why is he not saying anything?” and sometimes I get a second better offer, but in this case I didn’t. He then said the most he would give me was $70 because I think he realized why I was waiting, so I took the offer. I learned to negotiate from my parents. My dad is rather passive. At a flea market he might as a vendor how much for an item, hardly showing any interest, and if the vendor offers a price that is too high he’ll kinda just continue wandering off. As he wanders off I’ve heard vendors say “special price for you… etc.” Then he’d simply say I don’t wanna pay that much, and sometimes it is successful and other times not. My mom makes it known what she wants to spend for an item when she comes up for a purchase, but if the asking price is too high she’ll simply ask for a deal and then say yes or no. I think I’m decent at negotiation, but could be much better if I gave more reasoning behind my decisions. If I also hid my intentions I think I would also have more success. Also trying to downplay the value of a item may help.

Journal 10 Conflict style

I’ve learned that my conflict style is usually too avoiding and passive. For example, a while back I had trouble with the room being noisy regularly when I was trying to go to sleep, so I purchased some earplugs, and when the noise maker saw me using earplugs, the noise level during these nighttime hours was significantly reduced. This was also a problem that I had been avoiding for a while. It seems that I’ll convince myself that if I can ignore a problem, it will stop existing. This in fact is not a good idea I’ve found because conflict can blow up in my face if I don’t confront it before the other side gets too caught up in what my issue with them is. I’ve learned that if I simply confront the issue as graciously as possible then it will work itself out because my intentions are good. I’ve found that the sooner I confront an issue the better because the issue is still forming and we can work out our needs.

Journal 9 Conflict Dynamic Influences

I think looking at individuals needs are usually in the interest of the party and are needs that personal. Needs such as personal space, quiet space, need for belonging, or a simple need for some type of food. An imbalance in power can promote conflict. Also, perceptions on power can influence conflict. An imbalance in power can promote conflict in many ways. A classic example is in the Cuban missile crisis where the Soviet Union decides to put missiles in Cuba to put the same pressure the U.S. has on the Soviets by having missiles in Turkey. The idea is to create a balance of power. Also if perceptions on power are different, there can be conflict. For example if a soccer team drastically underestimates their opponents power, the team may come in expecting to win, and lose because they didn’t put in the effort they thought was needed to win the game. I think humans commit horrible acts against each other because they feel so much is at stake. National security is the best example where a nations security is under attack a government would feel any means necessary are okay to employ if it is for the good of a country and security. If a country thinks destroying an opposing country is the only way to self-preservation, then that is what will happen. Or, if peace can be attained if only we bomb the conflict area, then the area may be bombed. Obviously peace can be tried to be found other ways. Needs must be communicated and trust needs to be built.

Journal 8 End conflicts

My conflicts seems to end with tension. I feel like winning becomes too important and eventually some sort of compromise is made which leads to more fighting because needs weren’t properly met. I think I want conflicts to end even if the outcome isn’t for the best. Often I get caught up in zero sum thinking where if I’m not winning, I’m losing. Therefore if I feel I’ve lost an argument, I tend to believe whatever the resolution is, it isn’t in my best interest. In the world around me I see many conflicts and I’d say the majority end with one person conceding their point and become subjected to the parameters of the winner in the argument. I also see conflicts end and sometimes never even resolve. People end up avoiding each other until the conflict is dropped, which in this case sometimes continues and the two parties never make up and continue to avoid each other. Compromises also occur in conflicts I’ve seen where logic is the deciding factor. If a person can see the end in the way the other does through logic, then the conflict can end.

Journal 7 Escalation

In my personal conflicts escalation usually occurs because I have some sort of blame towards a person and don’t communicate my needs clearly. Looking back I know that in conflict I will confront a person with all the things of how they are contributing to a problem instead of looking for the roots of the issue. By confronting a person with what I believe they have done wrong, I further escalate the conflict because I bring blame and soon to follow anger in the conflict. No one likes to be blamed for an issue and have their faults pointed out, so by my doing this I am escalating conflicts. Instead I need to approach the conflict by communicating to the other what the underlying needs are of each party. By doing this we can reevaluate perspective and why the other and self are acting in certain ways. Sometimes it can be fun, but usually it is in the sports arena. If a volleyball game is particularly close and the energy of the match is manifested through noise level and excitement, then I have fun turning in conflict into a game between our team and the other team. If I can undermine another teams momentum by winning a few crucial points, or getting under their skin where they get angry back, it is useful in a competitive arena.

Journal 11: My Negotiation Style

I am pretty horrible at negotiating, and I think its because I am too aware of the needs of the other party and too willing to give in. I know that I am bad in instances of bargaining because I never start bargaining low enough. To be more effective at negotiation I need to learn how to use the things I know about the other party to my own advantage, to manipulate their desires in order to achieve my own. I tend to have a cooperative and principled approach to negotiation, and I think that I do address the interests of the parties rather than the positions of the parties. I am pretty flexible in what I ask for as long as I get something out of the negotiation. I think that I am good at creating value, but I’m bad at claiming value and persuading the other side to let me claim value. I tend to place more value on the relationship rather than the substantive issues of the negotiation. I probably learned to negotiate from my parents, especially my mother, who is also rather ineffective at negotiation.

Journal 10: My Conflict Style

I have learned that I have an accommodating conflict style. I have a higher concern for others than for myself in conflict, and so I am likely to give up my own goals and needs or concede something I want in order to please others. I tend to make analytic or conciliatory remarks when communicating with the other parties in the conflict and I engage in active listening, often reframing the thoughts or expressions of the other parties. I am also likely to use collaboration as a conflict style, especially if the topic is of more importance to me. I will accommodate with the other party if the issue is not as important, and I feel that I can give in: this is because I am placing more emphasis on what the other party wants. However, if the conflict is over something very important to me, then I will work harder to achieve what I want, while still holding the needs of the other in mind. I will try to work together with the other party to reach an integrative solution, and put all of our interests out on the table so that the best possible solution can be reached to satisfy both of our wants and needs. If I use contentious tactics they are usually of the softer variety, such as persuasive arguments or ingratiation rather than threats. I generally avoid getting into the cycle of tit-for-tat tactics but I still tend to be rather direct.

My Group

I expect that these groups will help all of us learn how to be accountable for ourselves as students, and it will help me as an individual catch up to the college pace. I hope that all members of my group to be excited and dedicated to getting the assignments done. I like to think that everybody would be able to get into contact if needed if something needed to be adressed.

MV

How I Feel

I feel like conflict is all around. You always hear on the news about something going on either invonving violence or getting close to it. Many issues you hear about on the news do get resolved without any harm taking place, but in other issues it seems that the answer is violence. Different conflicts pull different emotions out of me as a person. In general I think all conflict should be dealt with, but I do know that some situations need to be handled sooner than others. I want to know how basic conflict situations work, all details on just some to start off then I can branch off to more complicated conflict situations.

MV

Journal 9: International Conflict

There are a multitude of factors that influence conflict on the international level. They can be identity based between two groups that compare each other or feel deprivation. They can be based in political, economic, and social failure to provide for citizens, incompatible interests, or competition for resources. The one most widespread theory that is applicable to almost all conflicts is the basic human needs theory. I believe conflicts on the international scale can be defined best with the social identity theory. People have an incredible drive to provide for themselves and the groups of people that they relate to, and I believe that desire to feel their importance as a nation is what drives nations to war, and enables them to persecute other groups. If you are identifying with and trying to provide for your own group then the other group is vilified, not seen as human, so therefore it does not matter that you are hurting the members of the other group; they do not matter. In fact, they may even hurt your own group. The perfect example is the conflict between Israel and Palestine. This transnational conflict influences people all across the globe, but it is based in the needs of the israeli and palestinian people who want recognition and respect as individuals, and as groups.

Journal 8: Conflict Ends

My conflicts end once I have successfully negotiated with those with whom I am in conflict. The stability of my conflict situations are increased when I realize the common bonds that I share with the people I am in conflict with. I think that escalation for me generally ends because either the conflict is avoided or when one side yields, and I often try to avoid conflict unless it is brought to me in a way that I cannot ignore. I think that in the international arena, where states have clearly defined powers, conflict ends and escalation stops when a unilateral advantage becomes clear, when one side wins, or if one side withdraws. It really depends on the parties involved in the conflict as to how it will end, because the personalities of the people involved greatly influence the kind of de-escalation tactics will be used, and the kind of outcome the sides hope for. If there is a zero-sum outlook, then one side has to win or drop out, there is no room for concession. Sometimes parties will refuse to act or will withdraw, which will end escalation, but often will not resolve the conflict, so the conflict might come back in a worse way later on.

Journal 7: Escalation

The conflicts that I am part of are often group conflicts. Contributing factors then can include both psychological and group changes. Image threats are the most common, when members of our friend group are feeling less appreciated, or if a friend feels less smart, funny, etc, in comparison to the other friends in the group. Escalation is also encouraged by personality and background differences between friends, for example one from a city with highly educated family members and one from a farm whose parents have blue collar jobs. These friends come to relationships (and conflicts) with very different points of view that are often difficult to resolve, and encourage conflict spirals. I am generally not a contributor to escalation, I am usually the one mediating the conflict between friends or acting as a neutral party. I do not like conflict, but my friends often engage in debates for fun that can end up as personal attacks. They enjoy the debates but it is always difficult for me to tell when they are academic dialogues and when they are possibly detrimental to friendships. Conflict is not fun for me, but I often have to deal with it as something recreational for my friends.

Journal 6: Models

My conflicts are often often unvoiced, either an inner conflict or a conflict with another that I chose not to confront. This can make the escalation of the conflict strange, because while I am aware of a conflict the other party is often not. Confrontation is unexpected and negotiation is difficult because the second party is unprepared and perhaps unaware that the conflict is even an issue. I believe that interpersonal conflict generally fits the Kriesberg model best, especially the idea that the outcome of one conflict often is the cause of future conflict. If conflicts are not solved in a desirable manner than repercussions of that outcome will later effect relationships, especially in the case of friendships. Relationships build on the past, and if anything is settled unfavorably or not confronted quickly then those problems will often be the root of larger problems in the future. One tiny conflict that seems like it wouldn’t bother anyone can be the base conflict that every other future conflict is based off of. The final problem will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, but the conflict has in fact been ongoing and rooted in the past. This is probably the biggest trend in my conflicts, the idea that the outcomes of past conflicts have influenced and perhaps even caused other problems.

Models

With my family I feel like Krisbergs model is especially accurate in my conflict with my family. First I become aware of my parents ideas, which is a big step into the conflict because sometimes I feel like what they are aware of, I am not, and also if I were aware, why should I care? For example closing the door loudly. My mom simply asked me to be quieter when I closed the door. I was not aware, but she was. This then lead into me getting slightly aggravated. Not necessarily at her, but at other items in my life. This escalated my feelings because I had pent up aggression inside of me and took it out on my mother. Suddenly it didn’t become about closing a door, but turned into her faults and why she was obnoxious etc. Eventually the argument settles and de-escalation occurs either because I realize I’m being unreasonable or she brings it to me attention. Then termination occurs, and lastly outcome. Sometimes the outcome leads into more arguments because I feel unsatisfied with the resolution. Maybe at the end of an argument of food options to pack for lunch, eventually a compromise will be made (between their healthy ideas and my not so healthy ones) and this will lead to another argument after I decide I either need more junk, or more variety.

Compelling and New Theories

Social Identity theory is particularly intriguing to me. It seems that the theory can create external as well as internal conflict. It is interesting to me that a person will go to the end of the earth just to find a connection or a bond with someone else. Obviously some bonds are much more powerful and intense such as mother and child or spouses. People have many bonds with those around them, but why is bond so strong to someone’s “significant other”? I’d guess it would be the time and energy investing into the other person. Dependence and stability to have someone be there always. At the same time however, I feel friends of mine are there no matter what, but there is still a void from not having a significant other. Why is this? I feel conflict is a combination of social identity theory and basic human needs. I think everyone has the physical needs of food and water, but also the need to have connection, love, and to be challenged and to have growth. Connection of those around them. This is why isolation can be so hard on some people. The wilderness can drive a person mad. Love to have with the significant other, because the connection seems to be so very different to those who are only friends. And lastly, to be challenged and to grow. I think to feel a part of a larger global picture everyone needs to have their own rational idea of how they fit into the equation of life and the world. Whether your rational is to be a psychologist, or whether it is to be a physicist, in both cases a person has their own rational of how they fit into this world.

Conflict Around Me

The biggest conflict that I acknowledge in my life is mainly political. It isn’t that I don’t believe Obama does not mean well or have a good heart, because I believe he does and he is doing what he thinks is right for the country. However, I disagree with his policies on many levels. They do not meet the needs of many people. For example. I believe strongly in capitalism and I feel bailout money, which comes from young adults and working Americans, is not only a waste, but destroying ethical business within the U.S. Notice that companies that are not going bankrupt are highly moral, ethical, and benefit the community. One may ask, “what about the potential loss of jobs without this bail out money?” The answer to that is in the short terms, yes many jobs may be lost, but the people who lose these jobs, in theory, will create new business which should take into account the reason they lost their job in the first place and fix the faults of the old employer. Small business is what America is built on and bailing out unethical corporations is not my idea of beneficial. This aggravates me especially since the only say I have is my vote. Is it just to skip out on taxes if I don’t agree with the re-allocation of tax payers money? Where does the line of civil disobedience need to be drawn? It seems here the needs of our capitalist economy are not being met. Business and economy go in cycles and with it job loss, and creation. Analyzing this, one can find out more about the economics of a country and why a certain type of government works or does not work. In theory, socialism, capitalism, and distributism all work in theory, but a government needs to foster the needs of the particular system they want to use.

Journal 5

The Basic Human Needs theory is very intriguing to me, and it makes sense to me that all conflicts find their root in some base human need for recognition. Even large scale conflicts, such as the conflict in between Israel and Palestine, can be reduced to personal need. For the Israelis, it is a need for identity that comes with land and recognition as a legitimate people (because they identify themselves with other Israelis). The Palestinians also tie their identity and history to the land, which their great grandparents owned. Both groups are looking for security, self determination, and power as individuals which is then manifested into the group mentality. In order for this international conflict to be resolved, there must be some sort of mediation, with decategorization and recategorization on an interpersonal level. In order to achieve a genuine solution to the conflict rather than just a resolution, satisfaction of those Basic Human Needs is necessary. I do wonder if there are any universal needs that can be identified as the most important human needs, since there is so much discrepancy among conflict theorists, and whether or not BHNs are conflict causing. I would assume that the deprivation of BHNs is conflict causing, but human needs themselves do not inherently cause conflict. Perhaps if the need is frustrated long enough then it would augment into a worse conflict, such as the transformation of security into the need for dominance.

Group

I expect our group to be on time to meetings, finish work in a timely fashion, and be prepared for oral presentations. My main problems will be to finish my work thoroughly before I come to meetings and presenting orally. I have a tendency not to put enough research into my oral presentations, and I hope I'll be able to put forth more effort. I hope that I'm able to put in some hours in the library simply researching our topic as this will help my understanding of the conflict and because of this it will also be much easier to talk about it. I think our group has an interesting combination of characters. Completely capable members who may have trouble staying on task. Once the final project rolls around and we have sufficient research for our project I'm sure it'll come together well. The personalities of our group seem to be well suited for a conversation oriented type class as no one in the group is shy to share their mind. This will certainly be a benefit when we have to present our topic to the class. The members so far have been punctual and well prepared for class.

Journal 4

Having seven other roommates can open the door to many kinds of conflicts. These conflicts seem very normal on the surface, someone’s playing their music to loud, someone didn’t clean up after they ate, someone isn’t cleaning the bathroom when they should be or someone just locked you out of the room. These issues may seem typical but once you look at them in the light you can see things like the values of the people in the conflict, what needs they feel need to be met and their communication skills. The issue about having the stereo up to loud can be caused by certain values. Maybe this person feels that the other shouldn’t play there stereo so loud and should be more respectful in the space they share. Or maybe the conflict is caused by Basic Human Needs, such as recognition or security. The level of these conflicts can also change. One moment the conflict could be just between two people and it seems like it has been taken care of, and then next second the whole room could know about it and everyone could be ready to enter the conflict. And in some cases these conflicts could also affect people that don’t live in the room but who go there quiet frequently. In the end these conflicts can either be resolved or left unresolved which can cause some damage between the eight people and could lead to some broken friendships.

Journal 5

I thought the Social Identity theory was pretty compelling and not something you think about when you think of a conflict. This theory is based on the idea that everyone wants to have a positive social image and to get this image sometimes conflicts are necessary. This idea of society makes me think of wolves fighting between each other to decide who will be the alpha male and, in some ways, as social groups do have positions like the alpha male, the leaders, and the followers. This theory also made me look at sports in a different way, because it used the example that winning in sports would improve a self-image. The example makes sense because, even though most people play sports for the competition, there is a social aspect to being on a sports team that some people like. This theory was also different because to resolve it you have to look at the bigger picture, you have to see people on the football team not just as football players but as athletes, which makes them seem similar and this reduces the need to socially conflict with them. But this theory makes me wonder if there is another way resolve this theory, other then just accepting people? So the thought of social identity makes you think of your social life and how sometimes you do use conflicts to make a positive effect on that identity.

Conflict for me..

Conflict for me is like an algerba equation. Algebra is something I'm good at and I always come up with the right answer. When getting into a conflict there are many different variables that come out with different solutions. By putting the right variables in the right place I can get the solution that i want. Also, I may have to remove some variables from the equation in order to make it all work. There are times when i try my hardest to get the best solution and it seems impossible, but I know that I've tried my hardest to resolve the conflict. What happens after that is out of my control and my conscience rests peacefully knowing that I did all that I could've done. Some equations have no solution and once you've stressed out all variations of the arrangements of the variaables sometimes it is just a bad equation and needs to be recognized as such.

MV.

Journal 4

I notice that there is a power base, from the RA in the conflict, who has power invested in her by the school, and the other party in the conflict is simply a student. The underlying issue is complex, and based in basic human needs, values, and miscommunication. While I realized the complexity of the conflict, the fact that one of the major causes of the conflict is based in basic human needs reveals just how deep the conflict goes. It also makes the conflict much more deep rooted, and that could open up possibilities for more aggression. The conflict is taking place both in an interpersonal and intragroup arena, and there is a lot of overlap between the two. This means that the interpersonal dynamics within the group can greatly influence the conflict as a whole. There is also an issue of stereotyping and mirror-imaging, as part of the communication issue. The two opponents in the conflict are trying to show each other their differing points of view, but they are projecting their own world view on the conflict which makes it more difficult to resolve. Each sees the other as a mirror-opposite of them and has trouble realizing the things they have in common. The conflict is then much more rigid. Looking at conflict through the process of conflict analysis reveals makes the conflict seem much more structured. Conflict analysis allows you to approach a conflict from a non-emotionally invested point of view, and to see things differently that you would if you were only thinking of your own interests or point of view. Conflict analysis allows you to be impartial, which makes for more effective mediation and conflict resolution.

Journal 3

I believe that our group will work very well together. We have similar personalities and all of us have strict work ethics. Group projects are difficult for me, because I like to do all the work by myself. However, we set out the expectations for the group at the beginning of the process, and I think the clarification of what is expected will make the group work much smoother. Our topic is very engaging, and I think that we can learn a lot about the conflict we are focused on, through both individual work and out discussions together. I hope that I will continue to work well with my group mates and that I will be able to blend my personal research and writing style with their styles that will certainly be different. Our personalities mesh very well together, and I think we all have a similar working styles; we all expect to do a lot of work, and we will also hold the other members of our group to the same standards. The only thing that may be a problem would be that each member is very certain about what they want to achieve/study, etc, and if we want different things it may be difficult to chose one. Ultimately though, I am sure we would reach a consensus.

My conflict metaphor

For me conflict is like writing a research paper. I tackle conflict with an academic point of view and method. You can begin with some background knowledge or with none at all, which can be very intimidating. Whether it is a conflict that I am struggling through or another person’s conflict that I am mediating, I first have to research. I want to know every side of the story. I look in depth, I want to figure out why I am feeling the way I am or why the other people are having problems. For me, the solution begins with defining the problem. I search for a long time to try and discover the root of the problem, whether the basis is on family life, religious tension, ignorance, etc. If I am trying to understand a conflict then I have to look at it from all angles, and sometimes I over-think the problem. Then I begin to piece it together, and look at what is most important, what factors have the most influence on the solution. As I put the problem together I continue to add in new things that I missed before, or cut out things that I realize are not contributing factors. And then by the end I hopefully come to a conclusion, where the problem is solved and all the loose ends are tied together.

Hannah Miller

Conflict for me...

Conflict in my life at the moment is mostly internal, focusing on my back and forth inner debate about what is important in my life and what things I should be focusing my attention on. And that kind of conflict is extremely stressful. I feel differently about conflict when it is internal versus the external kind of conflict between friends, and I usually find conflicts that I am personally involved in much more stressful. I do think that conflicts matter, because without some sort of conflict many situations and ideas would simply stagnate. I want to learn about the roots of conflict this semester, and the different ways in which people react to conflict.

Hannah Miller

Conflict in my life as of now

At the moment I feel rather at peace with the outside world, but inside I'm battling. It's a daily struggle to be productive and simple do homework for example. Often times I find myself wondering why everything around me needs to be organized and why not simply let it go. Why do my laundry? Why make the bed? Why fold clothes? Why eat healthy? I've convinced myself that if I do not take care of my daily actions more pain will result than pleasure... Pain seems to be the catalyst of change, but if I know I function better being organized why is it so difficult to stay on top of things? Internally this conflict tears me apart. Conflict with the family is natural and it seems the older I get the more values I share with my parents and the conflict is beginning to fade away.

If a conflict is particularly violent it makes a strong impact on how I feel about the conflict. If for example I see a fist fight, I'll think why? Why has it come to such an extreme measure? It will extremely difficult to come to a mutual understanding afterwards because the solution was reached not because of understanding, but because of submission. I typically view this type of conflict as unhealthy and short lived unless held into check by violence. On the other hand if both sides present their issue with the other side, it seems that through knowledge a long term solution can be found where both parties are satisfied.

The conflicts that matter most are the ones that will directly effect our lives. Whether it be a conflict with a family member that will either create harmony or hatred. Conflict on the international level is particular important in an ever globalizing economy. If countries need to interact with each other it needs to be out of mutual consent and beneficial to each party.

I'd like to learn how to approach conflict in order to resolve it where both parties are satisfied. Learning how to enter a conflict where the problem can be confronted without feeling intimidated or defensive. I'd like to think of it as a conversation learning about the other side and not so much of how to impress my opinion on a problem or visa versa. I'd also like to learn how to deflect the anger of a problem and attack the trouble from a different angle instead of strait on where no ground can be lost.

Metaphor

To me conflict is like traveling. There is a definite start and end, but the journey is where the learning occurs. Like traveling a conflict can be enormous as in traveling to a 3rd world country and seeing life as you hadn't imagined, or it can be as simple as walking to Weis from campus and having trouble with the self checkout station. A travel destination can be known like coming back to Juniata, or it can be something never experienced. The outcome of a trip can be a positive experience, if you are traveling to meet a significant other or a trip can be taken to have to fire someone from there job. In all the chaos of travel there is always a beginning and an end when you return home. With a round trip ticket the ends are defined, where as a one way ticket may bring more conflict, a swifter resolution, or a new life altogether.

Conflict For Me Is Like A Soccer Game

For me conflict is like a game of soccer. Before the game, like before a conflict, everything seems fine and I’m just having a good time but when the game starts I become more serious and focused. At the start of a game I also try to make a few goals to go after, and at the beginning of the game my biggest goal is to win. After the first few minutes of the game, the initial confrontation, the game can become fast-paced or calmer. I can also choose to stick back on defense more of the time or push forward and go on the offensive. And once again my choices are made by my goal, which is to either win the conflict or end the conflict without losing to much. Just like in a conflict, a soccer game can bring up a lot of feelings, anger, determination, sympathy, shame and most importantly regret. These feelings have a lot to do with how I play during the game. A soccer game also depends a lot on momentum, whether we have or it or the other team does. When playing soccer, I prefer to play defense, but even though I prefer to play defense I’m constantly thinking about how to go on the offensive. Sometimes when the game is to fast-paced and I know my team needs team to get back to help I need to slow down the game by kicking the ball out of bounds. And like a conflict, sometimes other teammate’s actions can frustrate me, like if they foul someone and it leads to a penalty. A game can also be more team based or it can be more one-on-one with an offender. Sometimes the game can be a league game where a lot of people are paying attention and sometimes it’s more like a scrimmage where not that many people are there; but in my town word a lot of people hear about how the scrimmages went. A game can also differ depending on the ref, sometimes the game is dirty and involves more violent conflict and other times I have to play clean to make sure you make it to the end of the game. But besides the ref I also have to decide how I want to play, like if I feel like playing a cleanly or throwing some elbows when I get the chance. How I choose to play is mostly based on how the other team plays against me, if they play dirty so will I. Like a conflict a soccer game isn’t a short thing, and even if we’re winning we have to pay attention to everything going on. To go along with that, I have to preserve myself during a game, I don’t want to do anything rash in the first few minutes but toward the end when I’m getting tired I’m more likely to make rash decisions. Lastly, the biggest similarity between my conflicts and soccer is the feeling at the end of a game. Sometimes I feel good that we won, other times I feel that you could’ve done more but we still won. And on the other side, when I lose I can feel terrible because I might have messed up a lot, other times I feel like the other team outplayed us and just had more skill and sometimes I feel completely embarrassed at how badly we lost. My conflicts are also different then a soccer game in some ways. For one, sometimes fights aren’t worth finishing and there’s no reason to continue the conflict, so I just push it away and leave but in a soccer game I can’t just give up. And sometimes in a conflict even when I win I still feel like I lost.