Journal 7 Escalation

In my personal conflicts escalation usually occurs because I have some sort of blame towards a person and don’t communicate my needs clearly. Looking back I know that in conflict I will confront a person with all the things of how they are contributing to a problem instead of looking for the roots of the issue. By confronting a person with what I believe they have done wrong, I further escalate the conflict because I bring blame and soon to follow anger in the conflict. No one likes to be blamed for an issue and have their faults pointed out, so by my doing this I am escalating conflicts. Instead I need to approach the conflict by communicating to the other what the underlying needs are of each party. By doing this we can reevaluate perspective and why the other and self are acting in certain ways. Sometimes it can be fun, but usually it is in the sports arena. If a volleyball game is particularly close and the energy of the match is manifested through noise level and excitement, then I have fun turning in conflict into a game between our team and the other team. If I can undermine another teams momentum by winning a few crucial points, or getting under their skin where they get angry back, it is useful in a competitive arena.